


Degausser

by saffrondawn



Series: But it's not quite right [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2288534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saffrondawn/pseuds/saffrondawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Degaussing is the process of decreasing or eliminating an unwanted magnetic field.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Degausser

**Author's Note:**

> Song inspiration: Brand New's "Degausser" from their "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me" which is a fantastic album in its own right.

“You're not asleep,” Ian whispered into Mickey's ear.

Mickey shifted a little, eyes still closed. “Yeah, so?”

“You should get some sleep, Mick.”

“You're not asleep, so I'm not asleep.”

Ian sighed. “That doesn't mean shit, and you know it.”

He had been having trouble sleeping since he had spent two weeks lying comatose on their bed. He was getting his strength back with soup.

“It's that shit Lip's giving you.”

And Monica's old pills.

Lip and Fiona had said it was fine until they could get Ian proper medication. Mickey disagreed, and started spouting five different stories about people doing weird shit while on other people's meds. When Mandy told him about it later, Ian noticed how she didn't make fun of her brother, but instead spoke about a few more that he didn't have time to hear about.

“But they're working.”

Mickey scoffed and opened his eyes, “Then, why aren't you asleep?”

Ian adjusted the pillow until it was squashed between his arm and head. “You need to sleep. You have the bar and Yev. Please, babe, sleep.”

Mickey's eyebrows shot up. “Babe?”

“What, you don't like it?”

“I'm not a pig, Ian.”

Ian rolled into Mickey's arm to muffle his laughter, “I knew you were paying attention.”

Mickey kissed his hair before lightly slapping his shoulder, “There was nothing else to do except make sure you didn't stain the blanket with soup.”

Ian lay his head on Mickey's arm. “You need to sleep.”

“You're awake, I'm awake.”

“I'll feel better if you sleep.”

“How would that make you feel better?”

“I would know I'm the reason why you can't work tomorrow. Or if the Alibi gets robbed again, you won't be wake enough to not get hurt. But if you get hurt, and have to end up at the hospital, then I know it's my fault. All my fault.” He hadn't realized he was crying until he heard Mickey trying to soothe him, and how he found himself trapped in his arms.

“None of that's gonna happen.”

Ian shook his head and murmured into Mickey's chest, “Yes, it will.”

“All right, if it does, it happens because Kev opens a bar in the Southside, not because I've been awake. I wanna be awake. I want to see you, and if that means staying up as you adjust to your meds, then I'll be awake.”

Ian moved his head, so he could look at him, “Even if Svetlana walks in here in about three hours to stop being piece of shit and take care of Yev?”

“Well, then, I'll be your piece of shit.” Mickey gave him a small kiss. “I don't want you to worry. I know you're going to anyway, but try not to. You don't have to worry about me at the bar. No one's gonna fuck with Russian whores.”

Ian gave a small laugh at that, “I love you, you know that.”

Mickey tried to stop a wide smile, but gave up after ten seconds, “Yeah, for a while.”

Ian hid his face a little, “Do you love me?” Immediately, he started to move away, but was stopped by Mickey's grasp on him.

“You worrying about that, too?”

“No,” Ian said quickly, before nodding. “Yeah. It's run across my head a few times. Especially when I was sleeping. I kept thinking I fucked up, and how I should have never fucked you in the first place --”

“I'm so happy you didn't call that 'making love',” Mickey expressed with jest.

“That wasn't at all.” Ian paused, reclaiming his thoughts, “I thought about how it was better for everyone when I was gone. No one looked for me, so I figured no one cared. But then I thought that I had covered my tracks pretty well, so no one could find me. I wanted to fuck off when I was sleeping because I hurt them. I wanted them gone so maybe I could die and no one would notice. Out of sight, out of mind, you know? But you. Fuck, you. You kept pestering me to wake up. Every night holding me and I hated that you were doing that. You were attaching yourself to me when all I wanted was to die alone like I deserved to. Then, I woke up one morning for barely a minute, and you were still there, and I didn't mind it as much. I woke up more and more, realizing that I wanted to tell you that I liked when you held me, or it tickled when you breathed on the back of my neck. I didn't want to tell you, I needed to tell you that I liked it. And each day, I spent energy trying to use my mouth or sitting up, until I did.”

Ian made eye contact with the man holding him, and he was positive he could see tears. “Are you crying, Mick?”

Mickey sniffled out, “Yeah, so?”

“Babe, don't.” Ian waited for him to respond. “No pig reference?”

“Ian, I'm being serious.”

“I'm being serious, too. You just gave me shit about it a few minutes ago.”

“That was before you decided to tell me how you felt the whole time you were sleeping.”

Ian pushed back the little hair that had fallen on Mickey's forehead, “It's the good and the bad. You made my bad good.”

“I don't mind the bad. It's part of you now. I've always liked you.”

Ian had a small smile, “Always.”

Mickey rolled his eyes, “Yeah.”

“How about l-o-v-e?”

“What are we eight?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah. I don't think always on that one. But it was pretty damn close.”

“How close?”

“Monica.” Ian gave him a confused look. “When you came here, looking for me when Monica came back once. We met at the Kash and Grab and then, got caught.” Ian nodded along. “Yeah, then. Didn't know why the fuck you came to me. Didn't care when I got shot that you did. I was glad you stood by me, instead of that fucker. And then, juvie helped me figure it out a bit more.”

Ian sat up and Mickey let me. “You're saying you've been in love with me since then.”

Mickey nodded, “Yeah. What's wrong with that?”

“You held out for a while.”

Mickey sat up a little straighter, “I'm surprised you couldn't tell. You'd walk into the room like you owned the place and I could feel my heart start pounding and my head getting dizzy. I would try to think of ways to spend time with you with Mandy around, then realize I didn't want her there, and find excuses. After a while, the excuses didn't matter.”

Ian leaned down and kissed him. “I love you, Mick.”

“I love you, Ian.”

“Can we go to sleep now?”

“Sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> I need some serious feedback on this. It feels awkward, possibly OOC, but it came to me, and I was slightly sleep deprived toward the end.


End file.
